Dear friend,

 

I know it's been a while since we last caught up,

but I decided to write you this letter because I want you to know

that even though we don't talk much anymore,

or drum up shenanigans,

or stuff our faces with greasy food

until the wee hours of the morning—
I hope you’re doing well.

 

Ever since Fate changed our schedules,

so we no longer share the same classes, or work the same shift,
I started to hate Her prying fingers with a passion.
 

Because sometimes you just want to let the smoke sessions
last forever; let a budding friendship be an endless summer,

like the one we spent crammed in your car

blasting Mos Def while cruising to the pool.
 

Every time I hopped in your car,

you had sour gummy worms on the seat,

even after I told you I wasn't eating candy anymore.

You didn't judge me when I finished the bag.

You didn't get mad when I laughed so hard

I spilled sugary bits all over your red-leather seats.

 

Thank you for making me feel like I had someone on my team

when I moved away from home.
I didn't know how I was going to make it on my own.

But I knew you were always looking out for me.

Like the time you brought me a suit 

and dress belt to the career fair
because you knew I’d forget.
 

Or freshman year when you let me

crash in your bed between you and your girlfriend 

when I was an anxious mess 

and couldn’t even manage to do my laundry.
 

I want you to know that every day
I feel an overwhelming sense of belonging

because of our friendship,

because of all those little moments that added up to something

I will never be able to express

except through the wet stains splattered on this page,

and the trust that everything will be okay,

because that's what you told me

when you picked me up and drove me

up and down hill country.

 

I couldn't stop sobbing after my heart broke for the first time.

You let me blast our favorite song on repeat
until red hot tears were blurring my vision

as we drove over and over the Colorado River

that was dammed and diverted

and now flowing down different valleys,

watering different flowers,

touching different lips,

and floating different boats.
 

And I know all rivers lead to the same ocean,

and that we are all one under the sun,

and staring at the same tiny screen at night,

and chock full of the same microplastics.
 

But it’s not the same

and it never will be—

and it hurts.
 

I want you to know that
because it means I still care about you
and always will—

and I hope you're doing well.
 

I mean that in the realest sense,

not just in a nonchalant, nice thing
to say, kind of way.

 

I hope you're doing well,

and enjoying life with the friends
you have now.

 

They're lucky,

whoever they are,

to have a friend like you

to count on,

to laugh with,

to confide in,

because I know what that's like—

 

it's the difference between

a world you can stand

and a world you can love.

 

Your friend,

______________________